Crazy Conversations with the Fam... Part 343243

I've said this before... my family is a special kind of crazy... the kind in which outsiders look at us and go "WOW those people need some help!"  And you know what.... it works for us.

A conversation with my sister via texts:

C: Hey for Christmas taking me to see Britney
Me: Huh?
C: YOU are taking me to see Britney Spears
Me: Oh Say What?
C: Either Britney or tattoo (Does anyone remember when all your little sister wanted for christmas was Pool Fun Kelly?  What ever happened to those days?)
Me: I'm broke hun.  Going back to school means I'm dead broke...
C: Chump, Welcome to my life.
Me: Sorry boo
C: Sell your body for tickets (Because DUH I should have thought of that!)
Me: Wow okay.  Didn't think of that one....
C: Glad you're in

A conversation with my cousin while reading the advertisements in the Sunday Paper (because Yes, Gram does still get the physical, gets ink all over your hands, paper... Crazy right?!)

Cousin: Oh! A cross bow for 50 bucks!!!
Me: Don't be that person.
Cousin: A cool person who has a cross bow??
Me: I'm going to start writing this down for the blog...
Cousin: Just don't use my name... In case something goes down...
Me: What like a cross bow accident?
Cousin: No.... but accidents happen.....

Typical... 

The mouse that hybernated

I am terrible!  I have not blogged in forever.  It's not that nothing fun (completely freaking ridiculous) ever happens to me, I just am too much in the moment to remember to write it down.

So yesterday I ended up at my friend Erin's house after work.  Being mischievous as we are I decided to take her brother's computer mouse, navigate through all the wires of his vast computer fortress, and hide it for the sake of entertainment.

Now let me say this... Riley has a vast computer set up, and he has tons of stuff wired to that giant box that is the computer, but a mouse is pretty much key.


We hear him enter his room, sit down in the computer chair and then go "Where is my mouse?!?!?"

Erin and I proceed to hide in the pantry under the guise of looking for tomato sauce for dinner, trying not to look guilty as sin! Ry comes out and states "I know you took it!" to which Erin's son goes "Des didn't hide it!"

GUILTY!

I proceeded to give Riley clues on where to find his precious mouse.

"He was tired, so I put him to bed..."

"He wanted to hibernate in a warm, dark place...."

"He is sammiched between two fluffy clouds..."


Riley looked and looked but did not think to look between the mattresses.  I sat for a good 30 mins giving hints I thought were marvelous... and let's face it... I'm so brilliant, but he did not get any of them!

So what was the clue that finally brought the good mouse home you may ask?  "Where would you hide your playboys?"

It's the Altitude.... Obviously

So I know I'm late in writing about my crazy lovely weekend with the girls, it's been busy at work, so forgive me.  Here is a list of a few of our shenanigans:

Wine Tasting before we left. 

Miscommunications:
"I like food"-Cianna
"I thought you said Boob"- Melissa
"just one boob?  Like a uni boob?"- Paula
"I heard booty"- Me

Apparently we all heard something different there.

Word Pronunciations:
While half asleep on the couch Cianna, Melissa and Paula get into a debate about the proper way to say "Address".  According to C and P its pronounced A-Dress.  According to myself and M its Add-Ress.  Naturally we're all tired and happy on wine and this took on the air of a serious debate.  The settlement? Dictionary.com which has pronunciation.  Although I beg to disagree with it, because that robotic voice doesn't sound quite right.


The Great Rice Debacle of 2013:
We, being the women we are, decided to cook dinner one night at the cabin.   Melissa abandons me in front of the stove with rice that is "frying". I should mention... I don't know how to cook rice.  I've cooked rice maybe once in my life and I had to google it.   She returns five minutes later and asks me what I'm doing... I don't know.. you left me here with rice!

She throws water in and says... now it will cook... leaving it there while she drinks her wine.   Well... a glass in and 20 mins later the rice soaked up all the water but was still crunchy.  M adds more water... and more... and more.. I feel like at some point around the time she was dancing in the kitchen she forgot how much water she put in, because when Cianna, our voice of reason finally came to check on our cooking, she discovered we had somehow made porrage.

Melissa's explanation- "It's the altitude.  Obviously.  Things cook differently"


These are only a few... stay tuned.

Higher altitudes mean bigger pencils. 

Kmart run.

Paula trying to "golf" off the patio.  

Family Crazies

Once again tales from my silly and crazy normal family.

My mom last week: "I can't tell if we are very ghetto or creative.... the other day I could not find lighter fluid for the BBQ so I made my own with veggie oil and news paper... it's like 'are you out of lighter fluid? Don't Despair! You can still have that BBQ!'"  

So as this is all going on, the television was going in the background.  I look up and ask my sister what in the world we are watching... to which she replies in the most normal of tones... "Its Juan of the Dead.  Duh.  It's awesome.  It's Zombies... In Mexico." 

Ummm... okay. That's normal.  Did I mention it's all in spanish with subtitles?  Yeah. Completely Normal. 

Flash forward to 10 mins later when G looks at me and says "We have a ghost... His name is Jerry".

Yep, full family full of Normal.  

Some pictures from our trip to LACMA last weekend- Holding the boulder

Won't lie... all the art we saw reminded me of AP Art History with King Herold. 

My sister is Beautiful. 

My sisters, my crazies

I realize I forget to update this, but now that I am making Erin do a blog I think it's only right if I start updating mine.   So for that... a short story from my sisters.


Grace was writing an essay on social networking for school.   Mind you she is in 8th grade.   I get a call from my sisters last night, they are HYSTERICAL.    As they read me the essay the laughter gets worse and worse.

Grace details why social networking is not a smart idea for kids..."One reason we should get rid of social networks is... I don't know how to say this, but... Perverts."  Ummm okay?  Sure it makes sense.... but the way she phrased it.... So FUNNY.    Those kiddos are crazy.  

My sisters.... Typical.

Stuff my family says... Part two.

So, here is part two of shit my sisters say.   Let's just say this is only a small segment of the crazy that happens on a regular basis with my family.   Never a dull moment.

" You about to close that muffin shop"- Mom

"It's bloggin season bitchessssss"- Calle

"Did you know when camille wrote a paper about people who inspire her she wrote about me?"- Calle
"I told you if you told anyone I'd deny that!"- Camille

"My sister has a perfect life, she's funny and she has a big ass"- Camille about Calle.

"God's had my back since day one!"- Calle about being a premie baby.

"Hold on cam, let me pike you"- Calle on the 'Jersey turn pike'

"Wanna see my fry baby? Do you have a fry baby?"- Mom

"I don't like the butt, it looks like a butt hole." - Calle about the end of a corn dog.

"When you can't tan for real, Jergen's is there for you."-  Camille to Calle about tanning lotion.

"Make it rain on them hos.... Two dollaaaas" - Calle on finding money in her pocket.

"Love you..." -Cal, "Shut the hell up!"- Camille.

We really do love each other.  :)

stuff my sisters say...

So some days I worry about my families sanity.  These kids are eight kinds of crazy.  So tonight at Casa de la Awesome (awww hell yeahh) things took a turn for the WTF.

"you know that Ankle shit..." The girls were showing us their secret handshake.   Camille screams "Ankle Shit" then proceeds to kick Calle in the shins.  Calle was apparently supposed to jump and "high five" ankles with Cam.  Didn't work that well.

"By the way, that cup was dirty... it had little floaties in it.... I just drank around them" Camille yells that after she just guzzled all the juice out of it.  Okay that makes sense right?

"This hamburger is giving me a heart attack.... my life is flashing before my eyes"  Calle, as she stuffs burger back into her face.

"She has a box of herself."- About Camille's box of pictures

Yeah, that's supposed to be a self portrait of Camille.

"I remember him!!!!" - D.... "It was me... a girl"  Me looking at this picture of camille's art project in Kindergarden.  Ooops.

Camille and Calle

"Aye!  Look at this sexy mofo!" Calle about Camille in a kid swim suit.


"Let me see... is she eating cereal"  "yeah"  Apparently all I ever do is eat cereal and there are a ton of pictures of me as a kid eating cereal.

Eating Cereal... Typical 

Adventures from Casa de la Awesome...

My family is crazy.  Is there a word that is Crazier than Crazy?  Because that's what they are.

So last week I went over to my Mom's house, fittingly called Casa de la Awesome (awww helll yeahhh), and my sister G decided that she wanted to take the cat for a walk.  Yes- I said cat.  And the sad thing is, this is not the first time he's gone for a walk, nor does he seem to mind too much.  Except that when I was there he was embarrassed because Bella my puppy was there.  Or such is the reason G claims he was being a total brat.

Gracie with Bella and MoFo

So then we went on a hike for Calle's class.  Oh that was an adventure.  Calle hates hiking, so that was a fun filled day.   We had to find plants for her science class to document.  That was an adventure with Mom and I stoping at every plant to say "I think that is on the list!"  Wow that was a mess. So we trudged through the ravine to Sycamore Canyon and may or may not have gotten lost.  Overall though it was a great adventure, with Calle complaining, G acting like a Disneyland tour guide and Cam doing squats to tone her thighs.  And let's not forget mom and her 'moses stick'.  She may have hit a few of us with it... accidentally?  I think not.  Coincidentally, that Moses Stick is now sitting in the dining room, and the girls have decorated it.   If one is going to have a Moses stick, they should have a stylish one, right?