Deserving

"We accept the love we think we deserve."- Stephen Chbosky

Is this what we subconsciously believe me deserve and are capable of ? What happens when your subconscious feels the need to remind the conscious you that you are nothing special.  That despite how far you think you've come in life... this life has no one for you.  No one to give you that love you so crave.  That devoted, never ending, storybook, against all odds love.   What happens if you feel that is the love you deserve and yet it is never, never within your reach.  Am I just un accepting of it, or do I not feel I deserve it.

After watching years of my biological father, my step father, men in general, lie to me, my mother, my sisters.  Why do I accept a liar?  Why do I accept someone who refuses to put me before anyone else?  We try so hard to not make our mother's mistakes, but what happens when you wake up one day and realize  you have ruined your life just as much as she ruined hers.  What happens when you look up and cannot see the road ahead of you? When you cannot fathom something better because maybe you do not deserve that after all.  You may think you have put in your dues with the liars, the ones who put everything but you first, but you will never really be done.  Because that is what you deserve.


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