Good bye to my best friend.

I should be doing homework right now, but my brain can't focus without my faithful study buddy, without my fur child, my love bug.  I feel like I need to write about this. I need to get it out.  My entire world feels like it is closing in on me.  It hurts so much.

For those who do not know yet, my Bogart has passed away.  I went to class last Tuesday, leaving him with his treat and a kiss.  When I returned a few hours later he had disappeared.  I will never know how he got out, or what happened.  I searched and searched for my baby.  Praying so hard that he would return unharmed.  The next afternoon I got a call from a stranger.  He had found my Bogie. He had been hit by a car.  My heart shattered into a million pieces.

I went to him, picked up his tiny body and sobbed and sobbed, cradling him in my arms.  I did not want to let him go, I wanted to hold him forever.  I felt like I had let him down, I promised to keep him safe always, and I had failed.  My heart still hurts so much.  All I want is to turn back the clock and change everything that happened; to bring my fur baby back.

Before Ryan and I got Bogart, it was between us and another couple as to who would be his new mommy and daddy.  We prayed and prayed that if he was meant to be ours, God would open the right doors and things would work out, and if it was not meant to be then we would accept that answer and trust God in this.   Well the next day we got the decision from the foster mom what we were his new parents.  We were elated.   God had put this fur baby into our lives for a reason and I for one was beyond happy.

Bogart was my study buddy, my snuggle bug, my baby.   When Ryan was gone for work Bogart was there with perked up ears and a hug.  He slept on my stomach or in my arms like a tiny baby.  He truly was one one a kind and the most amazing blessing to me.  

Sometimes, I do not understand the things that happen in this world.  Bad things happen to those that do not deserve them.  To tiny puppies who are innocent a pure.  As much as my control freak self wants to understand why these things happen and wants to control the situations, I have to step back and remember that I am not in control.  There is a purpose and a plan to all things.  Bogart's life had a purpose.  God put Bogart into my life for a purpose.  However short a time, I have to be grateful for the time that he blessed my life with his unconditional love and snuggles.  With his playful self, his goofy sleeping positions and his silly quirks.  Bogart and I needed each other, and I will never understand the reason he was taken from me so abruptly, but I have to trust God in this time and know that my Bogie is in a better place.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

2 comments:

  1. Oh Fuzzy! How beautifully written and oh so sad!! I'm praying for you my darling! <3 <3 You gave him SO MUCH LOVE, an amazing home, and maybe it was just time for him to move on. He will always remember your love for him!! I'm sure, though you are hurting and so sad right now, that you actually helped complete Boggie's journey and he is now safe and enthralled, sleeping in cute positions, in the arms of your Father :) <3 Prayers for your broken heart! You were an amazing mother to him! <3

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    1. Thank you Shorty! These words were so helpful!

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