I suffer from Depression. Clinical, diagnosed, depression.
What a lot of people do not realize is that this is not just a case of being "sad". People say things like "cheer up, there are people worse off than you... Oh hunny that happens to everyone..." but what they do not know is this... I cannot help myself. I try.
Depression is debilitating. It comes at random times, and in random waves. For the most part it is fully controlled. I am happy, I love my family, I love my life. There is, however, times when it hits me. Slowly at first, then it becomes unbearable. I realize I have a lot going for me. I realize that I have an amazing family, the best friends a person could ask for, a sweet boyfriend, a good job..I have my life. But sometimes this dark cloud overshadows all of this. This dark cloud lies. Depression Lies. It tells you that you are nothing. You are worthless. You are not loved. Depression is a bitter old man who creeps into your thoughts and tells you that you mean nothing. Depression is a skinny little bitch who tells you that you are not good enough for anyone to love. That you are not pretty or worthy.
Too few people realize what this feels like. They think it is a simple case of "being sad". If only it was that easy. Because of this when people find out that you are so hurt, so lost they treat you with kid gloves. They look at you like you are crazy because you have days, weeks at a time when you don't want to get out of bed. When you cry for no reason, when despite knowing you have so much going for you, you still feel like your life is not worth it. You second guess all of your relationships, wondering if your boyfriend only loves you because he is bored, thinking you are a burden to your best friends, feeling like your family would never want you if it were not for the fact that you were born there.
It breaks my heart that more people do not understand this. Depression is real, and depression lies.
It creeps up on you, it consumes you, and sometimes, all we need is someone to see it. Someone to realize what's happening and to pull us out, kicking and screaming. We need the reassurance from our families and friends. We need to hear that we are loved, valuable, meaningful. We need someone to listen, someone to hold us and wait out the darkness.
There is more to life. When the monotony of life sets in, I have to remind myself that I am a good person. That I have a lot to live for, and I have a God who created me with a purpose. I just need to remember that.
My challenge is this: Look around you. Friends, co workers, neighbors, there is at least one among you who hurts, who feels more than just "sad blues". Take time to care. And take time to understand, this is not a flaw in their character, this is a chemical, medical diagnosis. Those suffering should not have to feel the shame they feel.
