The Struggle is Real: Fights with my Ovaries

I know, I have been a bad blogger and have not blogged in AGES.  Forgive me.  



Here is a bit of my thoughts and musings from today: 


Women's ovaries are like bats with sonar .... A woman can see, hear, be in same general vicinity of a small baby and suddenly PING!  It's like the spidey sense is tingling.  There's a baby in the area!!!!   

Despite where one is in their life .... Married, not married, school, fully protected by birth control... A woman cannot help but find small baby, coo loudly and look longingly with puppy eyes. 

Then I , being the oddball I am, have to have a chat with the ovaries. It usually goes something like this: 

Me: "Be still ladies!  We have a million things to accomplish! School, marriage, job..."

Ovaries: "You hate us!  We give you a nice egg every month and this is how you repay our kindness and gifts ?!? "

Me: "Ladies please!"

Ovaries: "You'll pay for this!  We are friends with Uterus and this month we are gonna make sure it hurts !"

Me: "Why!!" 

All of this occurs in a span of two minutes or until the offending sweet sweet baby is out of sight, smell, earshot ....

The struggle is real. 

Kalefornia White Girl Problems

This month I got my new Arizona resident driver's license.  That was the last step toward making the move official.  To commemorate my new residency let me regale you with one of my stories from moving here.

To start with, Ryan assures me that the Wal Mart in Arizona is not ghetto.  Coming from California, Walmart if to be avoided at costs.   Well here the closest store is a Wal Mart Neighborhood Market.  In case you don't know what this it, it is a Wal Mart grocery store.  Yeah.... that's a thing.

Gift ideas for the person obsessed with their kid

Here it is loves... the day before Christmas.  For those of you who are doing that last minute shopping, allow me to assist... Part three of my wonderful gift trilogy.... Gifts for the people in your life who are obsessed with their kids.

Bathroom gifts for all your loved ones

One final down, two left to go.   And to celebrate, I'm taking a small study break to write a blog.  I know.... I really am out of control these days. 

Here is party two of the horrendous awesome gifts for your loved ones.... the bathroom edition, for all those people on your list who will at some point need to evacuate their bladders or bowels.  Happy Shopping! 

Gifts for the Pet Lover in your life!

Finals are coming in hard and fast.... so as a way to relieve the stress.... and keep from jumping off the roof, I am writing a blog post (I'm wild, I know)

Since Christmas is also coming in hard and fast, here is a list of horrendous awesome gifts for your loved ones.... the pet edition.   Yes, I know, getting that pet lover in your life the perfect gift can be a daunting task- almost as daunting as telling them that "yes, those matching dog and person christmas sweaters are purrrfect for the Christmas card".  But have no fear, I am here to help!

A day in my brain

Since I am at a loss for what to blog, you will all get one day of live (isn) blogging from my brain.

Well rather after the fact but I am writing it down as I go along.   Stay tuned for the end of day craziness.

Starting out well...

Coffee and Pizza, breakfast of champions.

I should take a photo of that.   Does that make me look like a fatass?  I wish instagram had a strikethrough option for your captions.

Yeah, that happened (took photo)

SPIDER!!!!  oh wait, that’s just my hair.  False alarm. 

You know you're a grown up when....

Today I came to the realization that I'm slowly becoming a full fledged grown up.  When did this happen?


You know you're a grown up when....

You know you're me when...

Another fabulous true story from the insanity that is my brain.

You know you're in law school when.....

Someone puts a binder full of folders in the recycle bin, (the recycle bin was empty save for the binder full of goodies so don't judge, it's not like I'm digging in the trash can full of actual garbage!) and you, being the poor, jobless, law student you are, swoop in for some free folders!!  (I know, I know, they only cost 50 cents a piece at Wal Mart but still! I'm saving money, Ryan should be proud! Although I know he will read this and say "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"  I actually get that a lot from him.  No idea why!  But I digress... )


You know you are me when....

All Aboard the Moon Train

Today I learned that a man has actually "claimed" the moon and thinks he owns it.  (he's making tons of money off this, by the way.)

Through this site, you can actually buy property on the moon in acre parcels.  In FACT, you can also buy acres on Mars, Venus... and some others.   For the low low price of $29.99 plus lunar tax!

So this has presented a few questions between Lisa, Ryan and I:

Law School Games

So I have never seen the hunger games, but I imagine it to be a lot of people fighting to the death.  (yup, just googled it.)

At my school there are study rooms, which are basically small rooms (the goods ones have windows!) with a table and chairs in which you can... study (duh).   The study rooms in the library fill up fast and are basically akin to beach front property with everyone wanting one.  

Today went to the library to find a study room to no avail.  So rather than go anywhere else, I find another spot in a cubicle type thing, near a window (I really like light people) and sit down.  I observe a friend leaving his study room. So I immediately get up with a book to go claim it.  As I am walking over a less than friendly girl gets up with her lunch box.  I assume to take it to a fridge.  NOPE.  The bitch not so kind hearted law student swooped my. study. room!   WHO DOES THIS!   Not only that.. she thereafter refused to make any eye contact with me.  If you're going to be a big bag study room swoopy pants at least make eye contact!  Everyone knows that!

You know you're in law school when....

Can you believe it...two posts in one week?!  

You know you're in law school when...

proh-kras-tuh-ney-shuh

In an effort to avoid doing homework I am going to blog.  It was a toss up between writing a blog post, going to the gym, and obsessively cleaning the house.   Blogging won. Surprised?

So, presently I am frustrated.  I am stressed, tired and homesick and trying to find the easiest remedy. My solution... the internets. (Obviously) So for your viewing reading pleasure Seriously, Run while you still can, 20 Random Facts about my life.  Enjoy.

Things I miss about California, Part I

I was going through my photos today and realized I am missing a few things.... AZ is great, but I do miss some parts of CA.  Family, obviously, but a few others... 

Weekend at Burgundy's 

Keep Reading.....

A week in recap

It has officially been one week.  One week since I have been in Phoenix.  What a week this has been.


Here are a few things that happened// I learned// I accidentally did but it wasn't totally my fault, this week.  (Sorry this is a novel, and not even a good novel about a gnome say, who goes on a mission to find himself in a foreign land and discovers love, Nutella and a secret wizard.)

Moving update.

Just a quick update amidst the chaos that is moving.

So far we have moved into the new place.  Gotten semi set up, bought a kitchen table, and have learned about little thing called scorpions.  What in the world?!?!

More details and house photos to come if the scorpions don't get me.   Just wanted to take a moment to let everyone know we are alive and well and working on making this little house our little home.

People of Target

So, as I get ready for the big move, to a brand new state, I figured I'd take a quick break from buzzing around my house like a cracked out humming bird, to update you on some shenanigans that happened today.

Have you heard about that blog People of Wal Mart?  Well let me tell you about my People of Target experience.

Now let me start with this: I LOVE TARGET.  There is always something I NEED and cannot live without so don't make me Ryan! want and there is always something new.   Today however, target took a turn for the ... interesting.

Cue: Lady with no shoes.   I'm standing in line... minding my own business and debating what else I could possible get without Ryan killing me because frankly why do I buy more stuff when we are packing everything up to move anyways?  (I have a  problem)!  I look over and there is a mid fifties woman without shoes.  No shoes.  None in sight.  Just walking around Target.  Like it's no big thing.  The worst part?  Her daughter was with her.  And didn't even care!  No one wanted to tell her that she was missing a key piece of her ensemble?!  Guess not.

My covert photo skills were not up to par, but she is in fact not wearing ANY shoes. 

After the shoeless wonder I FINALLY made it to the register.  Side note: don't you hate how every time you get to any register you do the register dance.  The one where you become a statistics whiz in your head, calculating the amount of items in a  basket, times the amount of people in front of you, times the average speed of the planet Venus, minus cake?   Yeah, you know what I mean, where you calculate the PERECT line that will be fastest and shortest... only to be DEAD WRONG and end up behind the COUPON lady!  Yeah... that happened.  So imagine how excited I am when a cashier comes up to me and goes "I'll help you here!"

Pretty damn excited.... She rings up my items.  $51.60.  I have $50 in cash in my wallet.  I hand her that $50 and tell her I want to put the rest on my card (I know, don't judge).   You would assume this is an easy request?  NO!   She somehow puts $54 into her computer and tries to give me BACK $2 and some change.  I politely tell her that I actually owe her money.   She doesn't get it and tries to give me more money back.  She eventually tries to hand me $54 dollars.   I am trying to explain I gave her only $50.  So she hands me $50, does NOT zero out my transaction, and sends me to customer services.

What?!?!  I now have $50 dollars and a basket of goods that I have a receipt for.  (Don't freak out... I paid for it!)   But because of Karma, the Universe, and being a generally good person, I went to customer service and properly paid.

I will say this, for fact that I live at love Target, that was probably the weirdest trip I have ever been on.

Now back to your regular programing and my annoying packing.

Engineer Brain Love Loyalty Programs

So I get home from work and Ryan and I are chatting, here is what I learned:  Engineers are all about the math.  

Example:

Ryan: "So I didn't finish my story.... So I was at Hooters. " 

Me: "I love when a story starts this way... 'So I was at Hooters....'"

Ryan: "Well I mean it's tuesday.... we have the membership card... "

Me: *laughs hysterically* 

Ryan: "well you know.. it is a punch card... and tuesdays are two for one punches...." 

Me: "And you're punching what now... cards.... " 

Ryan:  " Well it makes sense logically... If you get X amount of punches you get $8 off your meal so logically you want to get more punches.... "

Of course.  This whole story is coming from an engineer so it ACTUALLY does make sense logically.  The point of the story in the end.... He burned his mouth on hot wings.  What I took from it:  Engineers would look at Hooters as a math problem.  

PS: Did you know Hooter's now has a loyalty program?!?

Pinterest Products ... What?

Recently I have been scoping the pinterst product section and have realized that while there is some really cool stuff out there... there is also some stuff that makes you say "What in the world!"

Here are a few:

The fire/ water phone charger--   There are few things I feel are more safe to have near my phone than both fire and water!   Seems like a great idea... and you know on those long camping trips I want to make sure that I have a decent charge while I roast my marshmallows.  Sounds like a great plan.  Too bad I don't camp. 

Upcycled medicine bottle christmas lights--  Nothing says christmas cheer like empty bottles of Xanex.  Maybe some left over pills will appear to help calm the family crazies at the holidays.

Phone Undies: Thank GOODNESS for this!  My sorely immodest cell phone was feeling a bit bashful being so naked all the time.  I'm glad I can now as much peace of mind as a father when his high school daughter goes on a date... I just need to make sure my phone doesn't go with the gsting.  It's tough being in charge of a phone with such a crazy streak. 

Beats v.1?  -The original version of the portable music player.  Pop a CD into your kicks and before you know it you'll be the hit most annoying person ever of the block ! 

Conversations with my Cousin.

After licking an envelope: ew eweweweweww. You would think after years and years they would make the glue taste better... *shudders*

G: Why don't you get one of those little wet licker things... you're supposed to use that..

Me: 'cuz ain't nobody got time for that!

G: you know how they make that glue?  They use hooves... Lots of hooves.  Horses, cows... HOOVES.  It's not good for you.

Me: I will spit this glue taste at you.  Do NOT make me camel spit my glue spit at you.  Because I will!

G: Why would you spit at me?! I'm just the messenger. I'm just trying  to help you!  Don't shoot the messenger.

Me: Seriously.  Don't make me go all Camel on you!

Dogs with Socks... I don't have a problem...

Recently, thanks in part to my dear friend Tara and her tiny baby Puff, I have become OBSESSED with the idea of buying Bogart socks.   (It's not my fault RYAN!  Puff made me do it!)

Puff, the one who started it all... That face!

I know you are all rolling your eyes thinking to yourself, "oh gosh, not one of those dog people".... and I can honestly say... I might have a teensy problem, yes, but you are all just as amused as I am by photos of Dogs in Socks!  Don't deny it.  You're laughing out loud, maybe trying to stifle a quick chuckle... but you are amused.  So you can't judge!

So up until the last few weeks, I was only that person who was obsessed with her dog put shirts etc on the dog.  Then, thanks in part to instagram, and in part to how damn cute my friend's dog looked in dog socks, I knew I had to get Bogart a pair.

Yesterday at Petsmart (I really should not be allowed within 500 feet of that store because I have a pet obsession) I found a pair of socks on sale!  (Sale Ryan! that means I HAD to get them.  Think of all the money I saved!) Not only were they the cutest, tiniest things I'd ever seen, they were also KERMIT THE FREAKING FROG.   This seemed clandestine.  My aunt Yamina calls my gram Petites cuisses de grenouille... which translate to "little frog legs"... well Bogart has very tiny boney frog legs...  Just. Like.  Gram.... Say it with me... PERFECT.

Come at me Ladies!

This poor dog, I don't know why he loves me as much as he does... but he did not seem to mind the socks on bit.   My other baby, Bella on the other hand, was not amused.  My cousin G is sitting over here telling me I have a problem and she can't imagine when I have kids of my own... but to that i have two things to say:

    1. It's only a problem if I start putting the neighborhood animals in socks!  Can you imagine, like how people graffiti things, or put goggly eyes on random neighborhood objects?  Like a drive by socking... Just picture looking down and suddenly your cat/dog/horse/iguana is wearing a cute pair of socks.  I personally thing this is a far better form of expression than graffiti... and a little more fun than Googly Eyes because I would be helping the animals keep their feets warm.  You're welcome fellow pet owners!   However I will not because that would be expensive to get so MANY socks, and frankly that would make me the mother Theresa of cold footed animals Crazy.

    2. After my rant with the first item I cannot seem to remember by second rebuttal.... Oh yeah. My kids will be SO WELL DRESSED! BOOM.

"You're embarrassing me MOM"

Even Gram tried them on. 

She took hers off right away

Not so amused